Ever wonder why you bother?

Ever have one of those days where you break your back trying to make sure everything is great, running around last minute because you forgot some bits with your pregnancy fuzzled brain (maybe that's just me), and then when you present whatever you've been doing it's met with an "Is that it?" kind of attitude. Or "Can I have the TV on now?" Cue my day today.

It started well, we took the boys swimming this morning, as we do every Sunday morning and they were amazing. They've both been having swimming lessons and their confidence in the water has increased so dramatically in 6 weeks that it astounds me. Nathan will now swim in the deep end, albeit with a float thing on his back, but he'll also swim with his face underwater and jump in unaided. In fact yesterday Nathan spent his whole time in the deep end yesterday. Ethan is going through a phase where he doesn't want to go swimming but once he's there he's great. He too was jumping in unaided but stayed in his depth. Still great progress for him.

We then rushed home as we had my brother and sister in law popping round. The boys idolise Kenny's brother so it was a really great morning. Upon coming home from swimming we found these little fellas waiting for them.

The excitement was short lived and they soon ran off. Not quite how I was expecting it to go but hey. Both boys were very tired come lunchtime. Ethan has a nap everyday for at least an hour. Nathan rarely naps but he looked exhausted so both boys went to bed. Neither of them slept. Not a wink. Great.

We thought we'd take them to the beach as they love spending time there and the tide was out. Perfect crab hunting conditions. On went welly boots and coats and we set off. It was horrendous. We shoud of stayed home. Withing 10 minutes Nathan had tripped Ethan up so he was covered in sand and wet. Nathan then ignored warnings of going in the rock pond where there was deep water as he'd get wet. Do you think he listened? Nope. Did he get wet feet? Yep. Cue a complete meltdown followed by him taking his socks off, screaming blue murder that he wanted his wellies off as well, to which we said that he'd get cold feet. He obviously ignored us. Took his wellies off and within minutes was going nuts again as he had cold feet. Eventually we got back to the car, picked up fish and chips on the way home-shouldn't of bothered they were crap and got the boys in the bath. Bedtime was in sight!

I then remembered that at 7am I'd frantically been wrapping 24 books for a book advent I had decided to do.

After their bath I made them hot chocolate and we went into the front room to see what the surprise was I'd just told them about! To be met with nothing short of ungratefulness. They weren't bothered, I got the hump and my husband helpfully told me I'd picked the wrong time. I then went through different emotions. Were we raising spoilt children? Why didn't they appreciate what I'd done? Why were they more interested in the chocolates on the tree? Why does Nathan love the TV so much? Is it too much?

I then  put it into perspective. They're 4 and 2. Nathan only has TV at certain times of the day and after his bath is one of those times. Ethan doesn't sit still. What kid doesn't like chocolate? They were both exhausted. I was exhausted. Still am.

Excuses? Maybe but I have to think like this otherwise I'd never bother with anything for them and where's the fun in that?

What have we been up to?

As usual it's been forever since I last blogged-surprise surprise!

The big news that we have here in our household is that baby number 3 is cooking :-)

The first 11 weeks were really tough, the toughest I've experienced, bad sickness and terrible tiredness. I'm not sure if it's because I have the two boy that I have with me full time that made it harder or that this was just a harder beginning or my pregnancy.

Regardless I'm now feeling much better and more like a human again!

I'll leave you with a picture of our new little one :-)

Hope you've had a great weekend.

Lisa xx

The Beauty of Nature.

In a bid to spend more time out and about in our gorgeous surroundings I took the boys to Highdown Gardens today. It's just stunning there. An abundance of flowers, shrubs, trees and hiding nooks makes for a great open space for two boys with seemingly never ending energy.

Unfortunately I forgot my camera but I did have my trusty iphone with me and managed to put this little collage of images together.

We had a great day with Nathan suggesting a game of hide and seek it was good fun and my ever observant little boys kept calling to me as soon as they spotted any small insects and were issuing instructions to take a picture.

I happily obliged as this is a new found love of me taking pictures, normally they run a mile so I'm hoping they're realising I'm just trying to capture memories for when they're older-or when I am!

We finished off the morning enjoying a roast beef carvery which really was delicious.

All in all a good day was had by all and both boys will sleep soundly tonight :-)

Nathan turns 4.

This week has seen a busy week of me flapping around like a headless chicken making birthday arrangements for our eldest son.

His birthday was on Tuesday and in true tradition that we have created, we visited Toys R Us in Hove. It's the only time that we visit and he was so looking forward to his annual visit.

Luckily for us he's not into all the big branded toys-yet. He did however choose a pack of Scleich dinosaurs, two Cars 2 diecast toys and a big red Scheich dragon (he told me its the dragon from Room on The Broom).

Fast forward a few hours and we had a tea party where all family came over and the day ended as well as it had began.

For the rest of the week we spent time on the beach, Nathan had his first trip to the cinema with his daddy and I had a few hours of one to one time with Ethan.

Saturday saw us have Nathan's first "proper" birthday party which was held at our local swimming centre and consisted a Pirate Ship bouncy castle. To say there was excitement is an understatement.

To wrap up, he's had an amazing birthday, Ethan has enjoyed all the parties and cake too and I'm exhausted and glad that my birthday organising is over until next year!

Now time for me to have a coffee and a rest........

My trip to Spain.....

We've had an apartment in Spain for as long as we've been together. It's 3 bedrooms and has a pool on site although for the last couple of years the pool hasn't been in use as it needs major works. 

The last time we visited I was 4 months pregnant with Nathan (nearly 4). We've tried renting it out but it ends up with no rent being paid and bills being run up. 

It's a lovely apartment and what with making the decision to homeschool our children it seems a waste for it to be empty now that we could be using it. 

Fast forward a few weeks and here I am lying on a sunbed on the beach enjoying the relaxation that has eluded me the last 3 days. 

Kenny and I decided I should come over, check it out, clean it up and see what we needed to make it our second home. 

On Sunday my mum and I boarded a plain to sunny Spain and all that waited for me. I knew the electric might be off but arriving to no water at all was a surprise. Do you know how much I have taken water for granted? It has been a stressful few days arranging for electricians to provide safety certificates and spending two and a half hours In Acosol (the only water company) and cleaning a spacious apartment with bottled water and not being able to was properly to now be able to say I have water, the electric will be on in 5 days and the apartment is ready for my boys. I've also been driving over here this time and have found my bearings!

I board a flight tomorrow to return to my beautiful family and although I haven't had as much beach time as I would of liked, I can go home knowing I can bring my boys over and it's ready for them. 

In the meantime I'm going to enjoy this view for a couple if hours before I enjoy my first shower in 3 days!

Adios xxxx

Nearly a week on.....

Well it's nearly a week on since my dear Grandad passed away. I'm feeling a lot better than I was last week and I am humbled by the many heartfelt messages I have received on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you all so much for taking the time to send me such warm messages, it really has helped. The funeral is going to take at least 2 weeks as the crematorium is very busy, I'm a bit gutted about this as I need the closure of a funeral if that makes sense?

The boys have been a godsend keeping me busy and making sure I stay strong around them has meant that I'm not moping and feeling sorry for myself.

It's funny really, I don't have many close friends, there are two that I thought I could always rely on, one has just had a baby and had some health issues, she's been amazing support to me but I haven't wanted to "put" on her as she has her hands full and lets be honest, after celebrating a really happy time would you really want a snivelling wreck around you?! I think not lol.

Another 'friend' is someone that I have always helped out whenever things have gotten tough for them. Whenever their youngest son has been ill (we're talking colds and ear infections nothing serious) I've literally abandoned what I've been doing, marched both boys to the shops and then had a cookathon providing meals for a week at a time. I had received numerous messages about how she was worried about me, hasn't stopped thinking about me and if there is anything at all she can do then let her know. Well, this time came on Friday morning. I'd been to the gym, came back and felt really low, it was awful I felt so depressed. I thought if I could pop round with the boys for an hour (she lives next door) then it would not only occupy the boys but also lift me. I text asking if she was around and got a reply straight back to say 'no sorry I'm going out in a bit to run some errands'. Now seriously I'm trying not to be petty and bitter about this but I really can't help it. She has a 2 year old and nearly 6 year old. The 6 year old is in school Could she seriously not of run her errands a bit later? The worst thing for me is that she didn't even ask why/what I needed so as far as she knew I might of had a back log of washing and needed to borrow her machine. This has cut deep with me and as Kenny has said before, actions always speak louder than words and in this instance, this one time in the nearly 10 years that I've known her, is the only time I would of called on her and she shut me down without even asking me what it was I had wanted. I've avoided contact with her at the moment as I'm too hot headed for my own good. The irony is I know she wants me to start looking after her 2 year old to try and break his separation anxiety. Unfortunately that won't be happening now.

I know this has turned into a bit of a rant so sorry if I've bored or depressed you!

Thanks for reading anyway and thanks again for all your support xxx

My wonderful grandad.

When I think of my Grandad my first thoughts are of him being a big part of my childhood and being responsible for so many of the happy memories I have.

Every year he and my nan would take my cousin and I camping for a week. We felt like we were travelling the world, mostly because he never drove more than 50mph in his Skoda pulling his trailer tent. Every journey seemed to take hours but we didn't mind as we used the time to plan how we'd save the planet, reduce electricity consumption, decide what we'd be when we grew up and mainly solve the worlds problems. Like you do when you're 10. We'd then have a ball for the week visiting wonderful gardens, William Shakespeare's house and eating far more sweets than we'd ever be allowed to at home. 

Even all these years later as my Grandad retold the stories that we had all heard and experienced first hand, he always said those were the best memories of his life and I always believed him. With us having moved when I was 11 down to Littlehampton and him still living in London we didn't see each other as much as we once had. 

Fast forward to 6 years ago, the morning of my birthday and four months before my wedding. I took a call from my mum to say my Grandad had been driving home from visiting us, his lungs had collapsed and he'd had a heart attack. He was in hospital for 3 months fighting as he didn't want to miss my wedding. Having him there on the 30th June 2007 made the day even more special for me. 

When I had Nathan my Grandad was so happy. We made the decision to move them both down here to be closer to us and to give them a better quality of life. They moved down two years ago and for the first year my Grandad was on cloud nine. I had Ethan and he loved being able to spend time with them often saying they'd lift him up when he felt down. The last six months however had seen a constant bout of infections, kidney failure COPD and limited heart function. 

Ironically Kenny told me to give him a call on Monday and I'm so glad I did. I told him I'd brought the boys the trampoline we'd discussed and he was glad as he didn't want them to miss the good weather that might come soon. When I ended the call I said to my mum how down he sounded. 

My mum called yesterday at 6pm to say my Grandad had had the Paramedics to his warden assisted flat, they had resuscitated him and he was on his way to hospital. 

Luckily for me I live opposite so went straight over and sat with my Nan. Without going into too many details his body had just had enough, there was also a high chance of brain damage as it took do long to bring him back at the flat. They needed to take him off the ventilator and they gave him and hour. We made calls to family members and they started to descend. My nan, mum, sister and I each went in to see him before they took him off of the machines and said our goodbyes. I thanked him for my memories and for sticking around to see my boys for a bit. I told him to rest now and say hi to my great gran for me. I said sorry for taking the mickey when he told me a story he'd told me twenty times before. Most importantly though I told him I loved him. 

Now as I write this and think of my Grandad I think of how much he loved his family. How much he loved my nan and of his loud laugh which led to his big cough. I think of the fun we had camping and how he always let me help cook. And I think how much my nan loves him and how we have to look after her now. My Grandad is all she's ever known and I worry for her. 

I'll leave you with this picture of my Grandad. This is how I choose to remember him. Not how I saw him last night. My heart is heavy and I'm sobbing but I love you Grandad. Goodnight and god bless. 

Love always 

Your Lisa, Kenny and your beautiful great grandchildren Nathan and Ethan. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx  

What a bad blogger!

Blimey, we're nearly halfway through the year and I haven't blogged since January! Where has it gone? Doesn't life just really get in the way sometimes?

I'm back and determined to keep going with the blog. I originally started it to keep a log of our comings and going but sort of stopped because I felt it wasn't exciting enough. Crazy right? I mean it probably isn't for most of you but this was for me, for our boys. For us to look back on with fond memories or if I'm having a bad day to express it rather than bottling it all up.

I follow so many blogs where life looks amazingly fun, busy and just generally wonderful. I started feeling I wasn't doing enough, started reading more about what others were doing and getting more and more worn out. I've also changed my diet and exercise regime so everything got on top of me. I was spreading myself too thinly.

What did I do? Had a bath, face pack and painted my nails. I felt better. Like really better. I'd stopped spending time on myself and just had the customary quick shower, cream and dress. Being constantly on the go, constantly feeling like you could be doing more is exhausting. Well not anymore.

I'm taking the time to appreciate the simple things, life's little pleasures. I'm trying not to get stressed over nothing. I've missed being here. Missed going on Twitter for a chat and a laugh!

Well I'm back baby ;-) xx

Meal planning=less waste

So one of the many resolutions I made this year was to reduce the amount of good I waste. I never intentionally let food go to waste but I am always suckered in to the offers and buy one get loads free deals.

One way I thought to combat this was to plan my meals for the month, I've done them before weekly but only sporadically and half heartedly.

So how's it going I hear you ask? It's brilliant! I look at my print out on my freezer to see what needs to be defrosted and go from there.

I can honestly say I've stuck to it pretty much with a change here and there to use up leftovers from a previous meal but what really hit home today was putting the bins out for rubbish collection tomorrow. We normally have 5-6 black sacks-I know it's terrible (made worse by the fact I compost all fruit and veg). Well today with clearing both bins I only have two and a half black sacks. This is amazing bearing in mind that one of those sacks had nappies and cat litter in from the outside bin.

I'm honestly shocked that it has reduced this much already. Now I'm on a mission to reduce it to two sacks only, one for the outside bin and one for indoors!

How do you ensure your waste is kept down? Any ideas to help me reduce even further (other than to get rid of the cats!) are greatly received!

Lisa xx

A great start

I've just read through my last post and it seemed somewhat sombre. I think this was due to the fact that I'd had a sickness bug for four days including on Christmas day so it was a bit of a struggle to raise much enthusiasm for anything. It's the first year I've lost weight rather than gained any which says a lot!

Our year has started off wonderfully. I've made a pledge for us to have a smoothie a day for the year-not a new one every day mind but a smoothie none the less. It's going well the boys love them which is great and so far they've all been delicious!

I've also made a start on new craft projects and set realistic goals for the year. I left things so late/thought I was superwoman and didn't get much of what I wanted to done before Christmas I did however finish my granny ripple blanket which gave me great satisfaction.

I'm also reawakening my love of reading for pleasure. I've been reading so many homeschooling books lately-not finishing any and really putting myself under pressure which is just plain stupid. My first book of choice is a Jodi Picoult Salem Falls is the title. I'll post here on how I get on.

The boys are just wonderful Ethan is so much cheesier than Nathan was at his age but it's hardly surprising!

Anyway I'm off to do a spot of sewing before I pick my book up.

Have a great evening xx