Nearly a week on.....

Well it's nearly a week on since my dear Grandad passed away. I'm feeling a lot better than I was last week and I am humbled by the many heartfelt messages I have received on Twitter and Instagram. Thank you all so much for taking the time to send me such warm messages, it really has helped. The funeral is going to take at least 2 weeks as the crematorium is very busy, I'm a bit gutted about this as I need the closure of a funeral if that makes sense?

The boys have been a godsend keeping me busy and making sure I stay strong around them has meant that I'm not moping and feeling sorry for myself.

It's funny really, I don't have many close friends, there are two that I thought I could always rely on, one has just had a baby and had some health issues, she's been amazing support to me but I haven't wanted to "put" on her as she has her hands full and lets be honest, after celebrating a really happy time would you really want a snivelling wreck around you?! I think not lol.

Another 'friend' is someone that I have always helped out whenever things have gotten tough for them. Whenever their youngest son has been ill (we're talking colds and ear infections nothing serious) I've literally abandoned what I've been doing, marched both boys to the shops and then had a cookathon providing meals for a week at a time. I had received numerous messages about how she was worried about me, hasn't stopped thinking about me and if there is anything at all she can do then let her know. Well, this time came on Friday morning. I'd been to the gym, came back and felt really low, it was awful I felt so depressed. I thought if I could pop round with the boys for an hour (she lives next door) then it would not only occupy the boys but also lift me. I text asking if she was around and got a reply straight back to say 'no sorry I'm going out in a bit to run some errands'. Now seriously I'm trying not to be petty and bitter about this but I really can't help it. She has a 2 year old and nearly 6 year old. The 6 year old is in school Could she seriously not of run her errands a bit later? The worst thing for me is that she didn't even ask why/what I needed so as far as she knew I might of had a back log of washing and needed to borrow her machine. This has cut deep with me and as Kenny has said before, actions always speak louder than words and in this instance, this one time in the nearly 10 years that I've known her, is the only time I would of called on her and she shut me down without even asking me what it was I had wanted. I've avoided contact with her at the moment as I'm too hot headed for my own good. The irony is I know she wants me to start looking after her 2 year old to try and break his separation anxiety. Unfortunately that won't be happening now.

I know this has turned into a bit of a rant so sorry if I've bored or depressed you!

Thanks for reading anyway and thanks again for all your support xxx